im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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