Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
sarcasm needs its own font
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
