Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
