I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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