Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
