Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?