Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
