3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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