we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
