we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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