The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is my gift to your gina
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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