Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
