btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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