its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
