Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
