Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
