It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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