During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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