Betty ford says i'm here all night
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
