She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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