I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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