$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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