buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
