My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
