you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
