I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
