Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
