Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
