When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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