is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
