woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I licked your asshole in confidence.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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