It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
