Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
