so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
