he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
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