i need an iv and a liver transplant
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
