what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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