I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
