The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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