last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
