it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
May the power of my ass compel you!!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
