Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
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You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize