oh fat girl friday strikes again...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
