How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
