The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
