I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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