I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I could fuck to npr.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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