Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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