so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
