If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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