My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize