I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
