Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
