loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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