just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
