During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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