You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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