Your dad touched me again.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
