my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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