you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
