I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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