drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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