I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
