At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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