I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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