fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
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his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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