come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
