Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
