Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
