woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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