You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So. Much. Porn.
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