What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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