so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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